We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
