you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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