Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
