dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
