I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize