our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
being pregnant is like rehab
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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