Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
