Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
