i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
being pregnant is like rehab
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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