but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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