I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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