I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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