Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
