Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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