a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
