I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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