at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
