Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
