Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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