her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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