kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
