I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
