The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
