you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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