If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize