I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
