saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
