last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
