Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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