I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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