She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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