just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
