Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
