Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
