Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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