Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
