The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
