her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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