I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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