I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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