i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
