No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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