jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
