I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize