All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
