and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
