just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
