I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
