Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
