I need help removing her.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
