So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
