im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
