Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
