In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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