No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
