yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
