I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
