I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
