Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
