She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
