Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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