is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
