Cold hands, warm shart.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I am morally bankrupt
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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