remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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