I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
