there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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