my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
